Torn Desires
by sbgdgt
Summary: For The Rain Scene Challange: Three years after Sam breaks up with Leah, she is still not over him. She is not happy with her life and has to figure out how to move on. AU Lemons & Language


**Penname- sbgdgt**

**Title of story- Torn Desires**

**Main Character(s)- Leah**

**Canon/AH/AU****/etc- AU**

**"The Rain Scene" Challenge**

**http://www(.)fanfiction(.)net/~teamsob**

**Disclaimer: All characters belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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A/N: I have to thank a few people for this story. First off, One Pushy Fox is the best beta ever! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Next is Danae Ayusso and Jaspersexkitten for helping me name this. Then einfach mich, uhyesplease, Danae Ayusso and Jaspersexkitten (again) and finally lacym3. Thank you all so much! There is also a playlist on my profile that was my inspiration while writing this.

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This is an AU Leah story. She's sassy, she's sexy and she's not over Sam. This story takes place three years after their breakup and it does not follow SM timeline of events. There are vamps and wolves, but only one pack. Ed and Bella are married, but she did not get pregnant and is still human.

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After three years and many shredded clothes, my wardrobe selection was getting slimmer. When we weren't busy hunting bloodsuckers, I usually just locked myself in my room where I could walk around naked and just enjoy the breeze on my heated skin. Other than a hug from Mom, the air was the only other thing that touched me anymore. I would always run down the guys in the pack if they got too close or touched me. As for the other boys and men, the ones from school and around town, I wasn't interested, because the reason for finding someone to love was so you could make a life with them. Someone you could grow old with and maybe make a child with as a product of that love. I wasn't aging. I couldn't have kids. It was _not _that I wasn't attracted to the men by any means, I just didn't see the point in wasting their time or mine.

A few members of the pack had imprinted; as more and more began to do the same, I felt even further isolated. As if being the only female in a pack of testosterone-laden werewolves, who themselves have the hormones of teenagers and the tempers of toddlers wasn't bad enough, now I was also destined to _not_ fall in love either.

I flopped on my back on my bed. One arm was raised above my head and played with my silky, splayed hair while the other instinctually caressed my belly. Since my change I had not gotten my period. No cycle. No baby. I looked down and tried to imagine my body swollen, carrying a child. I couldn't. Not even my imagination would grant me that fantasy. I have to admit that what I saw when I looked at my body made my pride swell. I was gorgeous. I had perfectly clear brown skin and my hair rested at my jaw in a flirty bob cut. My eyes were coal black and my lips pouted just right. I had a growth spurt and was now just over five feet ten inches, coming in at 140 pounds of pure lean muscle. Being as active as I was, my breasts weren't big but they fit into my cupped hands perfectly and were naturally perky. My physique was not as bulky as the guys, obviously, but my arms, abs and back were muscularly defined. I was a runner so I had a runner's ass and I constantly showed it off. Since I did not get cold anymore, I loved to flaunt my body in short skirts and tight thin shirts. It was my rebellious stage, as much as you can call it a rebellion.

Thinking of my barren, albeit beautiful figure, my mind drifted back to that fateful day when my life changed forever.

I paced my bedroom. It had been three months since Sam broke up with me. I alternated between anger and hurt. That day I was angry. I could feel my blood boiling. I was bitching at anything that crossed my path, even if it was an unassuming bunny slipper. After I kicked it across the room, I felt bad and went to pick it up. I laughed at my crazy hormones. This was some major PMS.

I sat on my bed petting my shoe then the sadness swept over me. My hormones were fucking crazy! I cried a little and remembered back through the good times Sam and I shared. When I started to near the end of our story, I felt the rage flooding into my body again. I was hot all over and my blood boiled when I remembered how he abruptly ended our life together. My poor bunny went flying again as I stood and threw it at my wall where a framed picture of us was still hanging. My anger kept building and my body was shaking violently. I didn't know what was happening and I screamed as my body exploded! Mom came running in and just stood there staring at me. There were voices in my head – a crazy commotion – with howling yells for Sam. Then, silence. I was dumbfounded looking down at my mom and my mess of a room. Mom screamed and broke through my haze. I panicked looking all around for a way out; the window was my only escape. I squeezed through hearing the frame splinter behind me.

Suddenly, I heard Sam. He was comforting me.

_Leah? Come here, baby._

I ran to our clearing, the place I saw in my head. When I got there, a huge black wolf stood in front of me but in my head I only saw Sam. He called to me and my head cocked sideways still very confused. I cautiously moved toward him and he sat down to ease my wariness.

_Lee-Lee…_

Hearing my name come off his tongue, my mind shot back in time three months. Three months to a happy time and I instantly ran and snuggled next to him sitting on my haunches in this awkward physical state. He placed his head on top of mine; I closed my eyes at the closeness and felt all his love. I heard his soothing voice. He calmly explained everything about the Cold Ones and that the tribe's legends were obviously true. He was shocked that I turned. As far as he knew, I was the only girl. I'm not sure if I felt proud or completely outraged at that knowledge, but with Sam at my side I knew everything would be okay.

The shaking eventually subsided. I was at peace. I was where I belonged - in the arms of Sam. The next thing I knew, two strong arms wrapped around me from behind; as we laid down one became my pillow. I was home. I felt a soft kiss on my shoulder and a whisper so soft I wasn't sure I even heard it, "I love you." I nestled into him and hummed with a smile on my face. I felt his erection pressing into my backside and turned my head to meet his lips with my own. He slightly pulled back and looked at me mouthing, "I'm sorry…"

"What are you apologizing for?" My body twisted around in his arms, fully pressed against his. I cupped his cheek and looked into his eye for an answer.

It was in that instant my brain caught up to everything that had happened in the last three months. I heard things I never could before: the rustling of leaves as little creatures scurried by, wind air part as an eagle soared above, Sam's beating heart. Every smell was concentrated. Something made me want to throw up with its sickly sweet stench and Sam smirked at the face I made. I could smell his manly essence emanating from his body. Memories flooded my brain: Sam leaving me. Sam with Emily. Pain. Anger.

Rage swelled within me as I took in Sam holding me, loving me, so intimately after having thrown me away. He conned me into feeling loved and wanted. My body started to shake all over again. In an instant, I exploded and stared down a huge black wolf. I heard voices. Jacob. Quil. Embry. Paul. But they quickly disappeared. I screamed at Sam but all I heard was a shrill, howling growl escape. Once again, Sam was in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut.

_GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! How DARE you fucking kiss me and tell me you love me! YOU left ME, remember?_

_Lee-Lee…_

_Don't you _ever_ call me that again,_ I growled and stalked towards him.

_Leah, let me explain._

_There's nothing to explain!_

Images I did not ask for flashed through my head; my steps halted and my head dropped. My eyes snapped shut from the mental assault.

_Sam sees me for the first time…  
__Sam asks me out…  
Our firs__t date…  
Our__ first kiss…  
__We made love…  
__He is in the woods watching me as I cry, wondering why he left…  
__He comes back…  
__W__e are together again…  
__He sees me with my cousin, Emily…  
__Me.  
__Her.  
__Me._

_Her._

_Her._

_Her._

I shrieked again as my heart tore from my chest and my stomach lurched into my throat. I lunged for the dog in front of me and my teeth sank into his shoulder. He emitted a painful cry and it felt good to know that I caused him some miniscule semblance of the pain that he caused me.

_Him crying…  
__Him meeting with council…  
An__ explanation- imprinting…  
His heart __tearing into two…  
His __attack on Emily…_

I immediately released my clenched jaws and staggered back, falling to the ground. It wasn't a bear that attacked Emily. It was Sam.

Time seemed to stand still but the tremors continued to shake through me. I stood up and looked at him.

_I'm sorry._

A long pause.

_I still love you,_ he wasn't lying. _…but I can't leave her._ The truth. Again.

He unintentionally recalled his time with Emily and I turned to run and leave the images behind, but they only followed me. I screamed and once again only received a howl.

_I am so sorry._

Then a vision of a sleek, gray wolf disappearing into the woods was the last thing I saw. I was alone once more.

I ran as fast as I could. Everything was a green and brown blur around me. The sun had set and still I ran. I was able to see everything despite the desolate night. Occasionally, I would sense Jacob. Sometimes he would call to me, other times he would simply come then leave.

Dawn's morning glow began to grace the sky. It was truly beautiful but I was not ready to face the day. I found a nook formed by two fallen trees then turned around, got down on my belly and wedged myself in. It felt safe as it hugged my large form tightly. I laid my head down on my front paws and didn't move. I didn't sleep. Hunger consumed me but I didn't give in.

Small animals grew comfortable and started to stir around me; I just watched as the forest's life went about business as usual. Birds dove and ascended with food and nesting material. Deer cautiously walked by. A rabbit sauntered by with slow lazy hops, nibbling grass along the way. My jaw snapped tight over its neck mercifully killing the thing instantly. It was gone in two bites. Instinct took over and I hunted. With a sated stomach, I finally slept.

When I woke up it was dark. I was human again and naked. My long hair was matted and full of forest debris. The air was chilly but I did not feel cold. There was an owl hooting nearby and the night animals scattered when I sat up. I was lost. Panic settled in and the now familiar vibrations swept out from my bones. The trees that had been my shelter went flying as my immense figure took shape. Jacob was there in my head and somehow he directed me home.

When I got home and calmed down enough to phase back, my hair was a total loss. It took several tries to stay calm enough to cut the rubbish out because I neededto do it _myself_. I cried as large clumps fell to the floor. Once I did what I could, Mom came in to help straighten it up then helped me into the shower. That's when Sam came by to talk to her. He told her to stay away from me. I fell to my knees at the thought of losing my mom after recently losing my dad already. I didn't listen to any more. Mom found me hugging my knees, turned off the water, and wrapped me in a warm towel. I got dressed. She lay on the bed beside me and rocked me to sleep. The last thing I heard was her mumbling to herself, "Sam… idiot… as if I would ever leave my baby girl."

My memory ended as I drifted off to sleep with my mom's song resonating in my ear; she was humming to herself in the other room.

My dream sharply changed from running through the forest to waking up with my body contoured around a strong, beautiful man. He started to stir and I snuggled into his side as his arm tightened his hold on me. Then I felt his grip loosen and slip away. He was only a dream. As my body became more aware, I began to realize there was someone actually in my bed but before I could fully grasp reality I heard a whispered, "Shhh…" and felt a supple pair of lips on my own. It felt so good I gently kissed back starting with a long closed mouth kiss. Our lips melded together perfectly and I needed more. Our mouths slightly opened at the same time and a gentle tongue swept across my full bottom lip. My desperation escalated. My tongue cautiously met the one caressing my mouth and we both turned to deepen the kiss. My arms moved to hold who ever this was but were met by two velvety hands that held my wrists above my head. I could feel long hair framing our faces. My breathing quickened and I needed more. The lips smiled then pulled away but my mouth remained open and panting.

My eyes started to flutter open and the hands holding my wrists let go. One draped down my face over my eyes subtly telling me to keep them closed. I complied. As the middle finger left the tip of my nose it fell into my mouth and hooked over my teeth. My tongue greedily met the fingertip licking it and then my lips closed, tenderly embracing the delicious flesh. The finger withdrew and traced my lips with my own moisture. It had been so long since I allowed anyone to touch me that a lusty squeak escaped my mouth, but I was so aroused I didn't give a second thought to the desperate sound.

A supple body kneeled beside me and as the hand slipped off my chin it continued down my neck. It traced one collarbone then the next and back to the center dip before the hand turned over and four short nails followed the valley between my breasts. Slowly, teasingly, the hand circled my right nipple then gave it a quick, gentle pinch, causing me to sharply inhale. I only released the breath after the same circuit was completed on the left side as well. My whole body was reacting and shivering; not in the same way I had now become accustomed to, but in an old and forgotten way. A 'throb between your legs that starts in the pit of your stomach' kind of way, and it felt so good. A mournful sigh escaped my mouth when the hand stopped the downward progress as it started fingering my belly button. I wanted to yell for it to keep going. To move to the wonderfully wet sensation begging for attention between my thighs, but I suddenly felt the other hand on the tip of my toes.

I released a gasping moan at the dual sensation of the tickle atop my foot and warm tingle that traveled up my body to rest at my already heated center. I could smell my own arousal as my legs parted slightly silently hinting to where the hands should swiftly travel. But still the other hand moved achingly slow as the fingers spread out across my shin and over my knee. My leg bent sharply and the hand moved toward my inner thigh and up. My hips started to lift and my body tried to scoot down to meet the traveling fingers, but the hand at mybelly-button pressed down on my hips and I heard a whispered, "Not yet…"

My hips relaxed into the bed once again and the hand on my thigh shifted positions so the nails were once again grazing in my skin. It continued up and one finger brushed the crease between my swollen lips and leg. My breath hitched as the finger continued to trace my hairline over and down the other side. My other leg bent inward in an attempt to create some friction to alleviate the frustration building inside. Once again I heard, "No." A soft hand cupped my thigh and pressed it outward leaving me completely exposed and wanting. Still, the fingers didn't sway from the journey down to my ankle then toes.

The bed shifted under me and I felt a coolness at my side. The warm body was now sitting between my legs. I moaned in anticipation of my desired relief. My right foot was grasped and gently massaged, then the left foot. Supple but firm palms pushed up the curves of my legs and once again a thumb brushed my center on the way to my hips. They moved up the sides of my waist and ribs before leaving my body to rest on either side of me.

Air rushed from my lungs as the warm body hovered above me and I felt it move closer. My body trembled with anticipated delight. Long hair tickled my chest and a memory of Sam flashed behind my closed eyes. His hair tickled my ribs as he looked me in the eye and enveloped my breast in his lips. I gasped and was yanked back to the present, when a tongue flicked out over my nipple then circled it before enclosing the hardened peak in a warm mouth. Using one arm for support while teasing my nipple, the other hand explored my body. It started at my bent knee and made small lazy movements up my thigh, passing so close to my throbbing pussy that I whimpered. Then it made its way up my stomach with a light pass over my chest only to continue over my shoulder and down my arm. I relished a flat, open hand massage on the excluded breast.

Desperate for some friction, my hips lifted and I tried to close my legs, but the knees between mine held me at bay. Since that didn't work, I pulled my arm inside of the one propped on the bed determined to help myself out. When my hand snaked down my abdomen toward my pussy the mouth released my nipple with a quiet pop, then both of my wrists were trapped to my sides with gentle but firm hands and my other breast was rewarded with a sensual tongue massage.

The teasingly slow build up had me begging, "Please…" I squirmed to find something to rub against to no avail. One hand that had me pinned let go and reconnected to my hip. I moaned loud, "Yes." The thumb drew languid circles, gradually guiding the hand toward my swollen, aching sex. "Please…" I panted. My hips writhed in a silent plea, but the slow torturous pace persisted. Finally, it reached its destination. I was so wet I could feel my juices running down to my ass. A finger traced the crease between my outer lips and leg then suddenly, but gently, dipped inside of me. I gasped at the sudden intrusion but moaned at the loss when the finger withdrew. Fingers smeared my own wetness all over, thoroughly coating me.

The bed shifted again as the body scooted down the bed; my other wrist was released and both of my knees were pushed up leaving me fully exposed. I heard, "Mmmm…" and at the same time a flattened tongue ran from just below my slit to my swollen clit. I bucked my hips then raised my chest off the bed as my back arched in ecstasy, only to immediately fall back to the bed as my orgasm ripped through me. My eyes flew open as I screamed, "Shiiiiiiiiit!!!"

I saw two brown eyes on the most beautiful pale face framed with chocolate colored hair watching me come undone. She kept her open mouth on my pussy for only a second longer then smiled at me; her chin glistened from my cum and I smiled back.

Then everything happened at once. Realization sunk in that a girl was in my bed. I set up quickly exclaiming, "What the FUCK!?" only to hear a loud thunder clap and to wake up sitting on my bed, alone, with faint tremors of a weak orgasm pulsing through me.

"Fuck!" I quietly cried out. It was all a dream. I had a wet dream! The whole time I was picturing Sam back in my bed. I should have known better. I did know better. I just never expected to dream about a woman in general, especially not Bella Swan specifically. I had lived inside the heads of hormonal, teenage boys for too long. I sat there shaking my head trying to erase the dream like an Etch-a-Sketch.

Once the frustration of the pack's many different female fantasies subsided, I became a little sad thinking of Sam. I was never going to have him in my bed or in my life the way I wanted again. Three years and I still couldn't get over him. He was happy and I was stuck. The sadness slowly turned to anger. I felt the tremors start deep on my bones and I knew I had to get out of my room fast.

I bolted out the window, once again. Tonight, like that day so many suns ago, I ran. I ran away from everything. I ran looking for nothing.

I didn't want to phase so I concentrated hard and pushed every angry thought out of my body, pounding them into the forest floor with each footfall. I knew I was running fast but everything seemed so slow.

Left foot- The way Sam used to smile at _me_.

Right foot- The romantic picnic Sam made us before we made love on the beach.

Left foot- Having to see Emily share the life with Sam that was supposed to be mine.

Right foot- Every dream I had for my life washed away with the tide.

Left foot- My dad dead; leaving my mom, Seth and me all alone.

Right foot- Jacob's incessant thoughts about Bella; even now, after she was married.

Time started to pick up pace.

Left foot- The Cullens  
Right foot- The nomads  
Left foot- The Volturi  
Right foot- My ancestors  
Left foot- The pack  
Right foot- Mom… Seth… EmilySamMe

I did not know where I was running to but when I got to the rocky cliff where we always dive, I stopped. The light mist that blanketed the night had turn into a light rain shower. I stood there on the precipice searching for something, anything, to hold me down, to make me right. The rain picked up a little more. I collapsed to my knees and sat on my heels ignoring the painful gashes on my knees. My arms wrapped across my body in an attempt to hold myself together. I doubled over from the knots in my stomach and felt like I was going to vomit. I couldn't catch my breath.

I felt utterly alone. I had not imprinted. I didn't have an Emily or a Claire. I didn't have anyone to hold me at night, no baby to love. I didn't have girl friends, not even a pet. I silently sobbed and my whole body shook as I tried to catch my breath. I wanted to be normal. I wanted everything I could never have.

Slowly the tears subsided. I knew I had to let Sam go. I finally realized how to accomplish that. I sat motionless reveling in my decision.

The rain was now pouring down. Each icy drop felt like a tiny knife cutting through my flesh. Then a new feeling arose. It was as if the tiny knives cut away the bonds that weighed me down for so long. I watched as the rain washed them away. I felt lighter. In place of the anger and sadness there was a renewed calm and acceptance. The icy droplets no longer stabbed me. It caressed my body and flowed in rivers down my spine, my ribs, neck, waist and ass. It was gentle and reminded me of how Sam used to touch me, worship my body. But the pain that usually accompanied those memories never came.

The rain let up a little, the rivers trickled down to streams, and I thought of my dream, how feather light and good the gentle touches felt. I saw up on my heels again and let my arms hang to my sides. My face turned up toward the grayish heavens. The sun was rising and the rain stopped. There was even a tiny break in the clouds. I saw a small section of a pink and blue sky before the hole closed up and I smiled.

I stretched the stiffness from my arms and back before rocking onto my feet and standing up. I stretched again. Despite the long night, I felt great. Renewed. I grinned at nothing in particular then ran a few steps and flung myself off the cliff. I had jumped many times and it was always enjoyable, but this time it was even more of an excited rush. I laughed as my head broke the water's surface. I climbed onto a hidden smooth rock at the base of the cliff and sat there appreciating my newly found personal sovereignty.

I heard some of the pack howl but it was not an SOS alarm so I ignored them. Instead my mind drifted once again to my dream. Whether it was a woman or a man it felt good to be touched, even if it was in my imagination. Unconsciously, my hand rubbed my belly then traveled up and cupped my own breast. I rolled my nipple around with the palm of my hand. I thought it had felt good in my dream, but it felt exceedingly better in person and it had been so long that I panted, my mouth gapingopen. My right hand slid its way down to my already throbbing pussy. Wasting no time, my fingers glided around my wet opening spreading my moisture. Once my fingers were fully coated, I pushed my middle finger inside as far as I could. I moaned out loud. On the third pump in, I slipped another finger inside causing me to moan even louder.

I was so lost in the building tension I only vaguely heard the pack's alarm. I ignored them again. Desperate for release I looked down and watched as I shoved my fingers deep inside of me. The palm of my hand rubbed my clit and I squirmed with pleasure. I gave myself two more pumps, pinched my nipple and, with firm pressure, massaged my clit with my palm. I came with an exploding force. Literally!

_FUCK!_

_Leah!? What's wrong?_ 5 voices asked all at once.

_Nothing._

_Leah!_ Sam sounded with his Alpha Authority. _We found one. What took you so long to get here?_

I was usually good at concealing my thoughts and memories, but by its own accord my most recent memory of me splayed out on the rock with my hands between my legs rushed forth. All thoughts halted in a dead silence. I was already swimming toward the shore, _I can't do this anymore._ I began to phase back but saw a blur of green as Sam was running and heard the order, _Jacob, you take over. Kill it then go home. I will meet with you later. And..._

I crawled onto the beach naked, crying again and shivering in equal parts embarrassment of my memory, and the sad anticipation of what I knew I had to do.

I was surrounded by a fog again. Through the mist I heard an angry Sam. "Leah!" When I didn't answer right away his tone turned concerned, "Leah?" I knew had to answer.

"Here, Sam," I stood tall and tried to pull myself together as best I could in my vulnerable state.

As soon as he came into sight, my legs buckled and I fell to the rocky sand scraping my hands and bare hip.

"Leah…" Sam ran over to inspect my wounds but they were already healed. The care that emanated from him made me pull away and while still lying in the sand, I hugged my knees to my chest. "Here," Sam pulled his shirt off offering it and the spare pair of shorts. He always carried an extra piece of clothing for those unexpected outbursts.

I slipped the shirt over my head and took the shorts. "Ha," I half-heartedly laughed, because I had not needed the extra clothes in a couple of years. It was now always Paul needing to cover his tiny junk. As I slipped the shorts on, I sat up still hugging my knees and Sam sat down in front of me.

The only sounds were distant howls and the breaking ocean's waves. We stared, studying each other in silence, for a long time. He had one leg bent resting in the sand leaning back on his hand and his other leg was bent up, forearm resting on top. I compared the Sam sitting in front of me to the Sam from my past. His shoulders were broader. His arms were stronger. His eyes were older and his voice was heavy with responsibility. His long hair, that I used to comb my fingers through, had been cut very short. I wondered if I looked as different to him as he did to me. But the one thing that had not changed was his lips. It was on them that I focused as the finality of my decision settled in.

Still watching his mouth, I whispered, "I can't do this any more."

"I know. I didn't come to stop you."

Surprised, I looked deep into his eyes. He meant what he said. His acceptance caused a tear to well up in my eye and I couldn't find my voice. I ended up only mouthing, "Thank you." The tear fell when I looked down breaking our gaze.

I had to go to him. I crawled beside him sitting with my legs out straight crossed at the ankles and bumped his shoulder with mine. He turned his whole body to face me putting one leg behind me and the other across my lap. He pulled me to his chest and I adjusted wrapping my arms around his ribs, placing my ear over his heart; his chin simply rested on top of my head.

I just sat there, like so many times before, listening to the heart and the breaths that used to play in time just for me. But I did not reminisce about our past. I did not speculate my future. I just listened to the steady even song. It brought a smile to my face. I never heard a change in the rhythm, but a warm tear rolled off Sam's cheek onto mine. As it continued its downward trek, my tongue darted out and licked the salty drop.

I relaxed my grip from around his ribs. One hand fell to his hip and the other reached up to brush away the next tear. My head moved from his heart to his shoulder and I looked up at him. He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek on my head whispering, "I still love you." My thumb traced his slightly quivering lips. More silent tears spilled.

"I know," I paused to calm my trembling voice. "I still love you."

The rest of the world disappeared and my hands reconnected behind his back. He turned his head and pressed his lips to my forehead. My eyes fluttered shut and I could still feel the quiver in his chin, but his mouth didn't relax or break away. Sam's arms tightly embraced me and we just sat there holding on to each other till the sun began to set.

"I…" I had no fucking clue how to say what I needed to say, but I knew I needed to get it out now. Hearing my voice, Sam's lips parted and he could take a deep breath but they never left my skin. He gave a quick squeeze in encouragement to continue. "Sam? I forgive you."

The breath he was holding rushed out and his arms minutely loosened their grasp. In that instant I was facing him, up on my knees, with my arms wrapped around his neck. I nuzzled his head, trying to comfort him. He buried his face into my neck and his arms were crushingly firm around me.

In his ear I said, "I forgive her too." Another deep breath. "I know you can't leave her." I said it out loud to convince myself as well. After that moment I knew it was true. Sam loved me, yes, but what he had with Emily was so much more. It was deeper than love. It was stronger than desire. It was fate. Destiny.

He tilted his head and gently kissed my neck. I gave one final squeeze then our arms released the embrace. Cautiously, his hands lifted and framed my face. My hands hung on to his forearms but my eyes zeroed in on his lips. We met half way, our lips crashing in a passionate but controlled fashion. It said everything we had to say. It was I will never forget you. It was we have to move on. It was goodbye. Our lips never parted, just stayed pressed together for long while. When the kiss finally broke it was followed by a few chaste pecks, shorter each time, ending with one final kiss on my cheek. He let go of my face and I grabbed his hands holding them between us. Together we stood up.

I looked him over one last time and our eyes met. Yes, Sam, the Sam I loved, was still in there, but he was changed. We both were. That would never change what he was, still is, to me, but it helped me finally look into the future.

"Go," he pointed with his chin toward my house and smiled. I dropped our hands and started to walk backwards away from him. His smile even coerced my lips to turn up. I knew that everything was going to fine. He started walking backwards as well, toward his home with Emily. I blew him a kiss off my hand and simply said, "Thank you." He stopped moving. I turned to run and caught a glimpse of his falling smile, which I'm sure he never meant for me to see. I quickly erased that image from my mind and relished his beautiful smile. Once it was ingrained and I was back in the cover of the forest, I stripped then phased.

Of course the _whole_ pack was there talking like a bunch of old women over tea. I remained silent listening and they knew one of us had phased but not which one. They had killed the foul bloodsucker with no problems and were mentally complimenting each other on a job well done.

Quil spoke, _I wonder what's going on with Leah._ They all got quiet again, probably waiting for me or Sam to answer. Thankfully none of them thought about my last image I gave them of me. Suddenly, an image of me and Sam having sex flashed then even quicker disappeared.

_Paul, I am going to kick your fucking ass!_

_What the fuck did you just say?_ Seth and I yelled at Paul at the same time. I could see the guys mentally "jump" at my intrusion.

_Leah!?_ They all exclaimed at once.

_You had better be glad it _was _me and not Sam._

Paul started a bumbling apology, _I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! It just…_

_Shut the fuck up, Paul!_ Jacob and I both yelled at the same time.

_I should run you down and tear your ass to pieces before I leave_, I threatened. _Tell me why I shouldn't!_

Seth spoke up, _You're leaving?_

_Yes, I have to go. Please come home?_

_I'm already on my way._

_You know, the rest of you should get to Sam's house like he told you._

With that final reminder, I phased to my human form. The moon was almost full, hiding behind a few wisps of clouds in an unusually clear day in La Push. I ran naked through the forest the rest of the way home then gracefully hurdled back through my window to my haven. I looked around and noticed that Mom had come in, probably looking for me, straightened up a few things and left a pile of folded clothes on my bed.

As I was putting my clothes away, I heard Mom scolding Seth, "Get some clothes on!"

"Sorry Mom," he said remorsefully. Then, the smart-aleck added, "I _was_ in a bit of a hurry to save your ass."

"What did you just say?"

"Shit," he mumbled so low that I knew Mom didn't hear him. "I'm sorry, Mom. Again."

Seth knew I was leaving and didn't seem too happy about it as he trudged to his room, which was next to mine. He shut the door then talked to me through the wall. "You haven't told her yet."

"No."

"Why, Leah? Why are you leaving me?"

"I just can't do it anymore! I didn't ask for this! I'm tired of living through… Fuck, Seth. I just have to go."

"You think any of us asked for this? Well, forget Quil. Is this about Sam? Should I challenge him or something?" Seth let out a very awkward laugh.

"No… it's not about Sam. Anymore. I'm sorry I've been such a bitch. I _was_ going to apologize until Paul…"

"I want to break a couple of his legs for that."

I teased, "Whoa, I love you little brother, but Mom's going to need you around."

"Hey!"

I was laughing at him, "Let's go together. Ready?"

We came out of our rooms and I punched his arm, "You know I love you!" He just glared at me.

I smirked at Seth as I hugged him, laughing. "I'm really going to miss you. And all the other annoying shits, but you better not tell them I said that!" Together, we walked into the living room to talk to Mom.


End file.
